PEACEFUL MORNING

I shared my struggle to my spiritual parents in one of my communities and through my background; she was able to understand better where I am coming from. Our action steps to be kinder are:

1.      To learn to be more compassionate each day. Train my mind to think before I act therefore being aware of the actions/words that I say by putting myself in other people’s shoes

2.      To continue serving God through my ministry and joining group activity for girls to bring out the femininity in me. Make a conscious effort of creating relationships around me

I am thankful that this day, the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful day. I started with waking up later as I usually do but knowing that I have flexible time to go to work reassured me that its ok, I can still make it to my schedules within the day. Then I checked some messages and found good messages from good friends. I realized that I have someone special in my life already and that his attention gives me the comfort that this day will be great. We exchanges a few message and I fixed myself for the day. Im ready to go to work and a good friend informed me that my mode of transportation is out of service and that I have to take alternative route. There were a lot of people in the high way trying to get to the bus that was all full. I was not affected by this; my focus this morning is to find a bus where it is not yet that full even in ordinary one. I saw one and immediately onboard. I noticed that my mind is still calm and at peace. Not the usual reaction that I know but Im glad taking notice of it. With that good composure, the lady that was sitting beside me alight the bus and gave me a chance to sit down until I alight. I was able to even help my seat mate to identify where she will alight. I commend myself for having a peaceful morning, I am looking forward to stretching this peace through out the day and radiate a new me that is open in creating relationships J

MY JOURNEY TO A KINDER ME

I had a coaching experience last Saturday with my mentor, he told me that I am not creating connection, and that I am distant to everyone; I am present and mingling with everyone but the relationship is not blossoming because I do not allow and give the impression that If someone hurt me, I’ll make sure he will also get hurt. Knowing this we came into a conclusion that I need to become kinder.

How to be kinder is now my dilemma. Looking back at my life, I look for the cause of my aggression.

1.      Growing up, I am always with my grandmother. My parents both work in Metro Manila while I was young and my grandma took care of me during weekends. She is a strong woman, Widow of 2 husbands and was able to raise her 5 children. I describe her as a typical Filipino elder that easily gets angry and that her language of love is discipline. We totally understand that by that time, that’s how our elders really show love because that is how their parents show love as well. As a result they are hardworking, strong people and have very high regard with discipline. My two (2) siblings grow up with my mom, which is the time that she changed work; she had an early retirement and found a job in the province. I can say they are more charming than me.

2.      Growing up with my mom is a breath of fresh air, she is very much understanding and we have a very high trust relationship. I was almost never afraid of her but I give her my utmost respect. As a daughter I am entitled to show and expressed to her my feelings and what I think, it’s a very diplomatic set up. Whatever I do, it’s in the context that I am just expressing myself and so I subconsciously though that everyone knows me that everyone will look at me at the same lens my mom used to. With this I got a lot of misinterpretations, from friends, organizations and even from work. I was not able to see that only a few families is experiencing the same liberty that I have in terms of self expression and that my normal self gives them an impression that I am aggressive, in the way I communicate.

3.      I transferred to metro manila for my college education; I am a computer engineering graduate from the best engineering school in the country. In my course for every 3 boys there is 1 girl. Being around with engineers push me to know more about them, learn how to be like them thinking that I will protect myself better knowing their language and how they think.

4.      I experienced 1 of my major loss during an organizational election. I held on the pain for 8 years because I believed that there are some people who did what they can so that I lose in the said election. I felt betrayed because they are the people I supported in their own time and it dragged my self esteem to all time low. I lost my relationship after and then I shut myself close from anyone. Now, after 10 years of that incident I came into a realization that by that time, we are just protecting our family, the organization, it was not in our intention to hurt anyone but it happened anyway. And it has been my personal ministry to always look after this family and guide the young one’s in serving our community

5.      I worked in an ICT company and same scenario; I am working with almost all boys team. The key for survival in my mind is to be like them, strong and let them know that I can protect myself. My close friends usually gets a friendly punch as a greeting and they allow me to be like that, It gave me an image at work that I am physically aggressive and  a lot of people got intimidated of me.

To sum it all I received all of my programming from the above situations and I know that those are already from the past. My awareness is now the start of me creating a new past. I want my new to past to be as follows:

1.      I am compassionate. I can understand and easily see where the people I am talking to is coming from. They can easily relate to me and I can create a very strong connection to them that they will always meet me again.

2.      I am a source of inspiration. People would want to be with me because I can help them see the possibility and work on creating that possibility to a reality. I bring out the best in other people and inspire them to reach for more.

I am thankful for the people who contributed to me in seeing all of this and I know these will all be worth it because I will be accomplishing my purpose in life of spreading HAPPINESS in this world.

MISINTERPRETATIONS

“You see the world as you are” and “Nothing has meaning except the meaning that you give”

These are the words of wisdom I learned in my previous trainings yet I fully not comprehend and understand to incorporate in my daily life. Early this week, I posted in one of my groups an invitational message to my current service. The intention is to entice anyone in our group to join in our service. Come lunch I received a message from our head requesting me to delete the said post in order to avoid confusion with the organization’s chain of command. I did as requested but the thought of why those things happened linger in mind and bothered me for the succeeding days. I realized in that situation that I am not very open to criticism because I take them as an attack to me as a person.  The reason why I never let go of my longest pain is because I believed that they did it in purpose as an attack to me. I never confronted them therefore there is no sense of knowing their reason for doing those things. I think it will make me at peace if I see it that they did what they did that time because they too are protecting a family, our organization, its just that we saw each other as the threat. Both of us have no intention of hurting anyone but because I saw it as a direct offense to me, as a betrayal I hold on to that pain for so long. I mentioned this because I saw that this is the reason why I am always defensive. After this incident in my previous organization, I actually do not trust anyone, I put myself in a place of isolation, and very watchful into whom I will show my vulnerability. I hide myself in the mask of happiness, fun and activities. Going back, I think I’ll be at peace by acknowledging that the content of my message is what I need to improve on. It was insensitive of me to be mindful of how other people perceived my message. I have lot of things to grow in communication and I am thankful to the people who contributed to me in coming up to this breakthrough. To work on this, I’ll try to work on improving my communication skills. I know this will help me to reach for my goals and build my leadership.

2014 Update in my little own world :)

I lost again, for last year, I was not able to update after the 1^st few months of the year. Moving on, I hope to do this at least weekly to start again.

Update?! Im still alive, more positive though. I am trying to work on my imagination; visualization, using this as a tool to attract success in my way.

I am currently reading the newest book of Rissa and I find it amazing that she finds realizations even in the seemingly ordinary events in her life. Soon, I’ll make one like that. A few realizations why certain things happened in my life, the lessons it brought me and maybe objectively what I could have done better.

I am working on being a STAR; it’s the coolest recognition at present, STAR and STAR CREATOR. A lot of incentive trips, the best accommodation, royalty treatment and opportunity to help other people.

I am experiencing my best self in terms of my physical features; I lost 11 inches in my waist after my 90 day program. I am looking forward for representing our country in the international testimonial of this program.

I am serving in Feast Pasig Music Ministry, particularly in Chorus. I am glad with ne, singing for the Lord and dressing up for our theme. The playful side of me is always happy during this time. I recently rendered my service in the Singles mission and it was a blast, looking forward for more events.

For my personal life, I am open, currently excited for what God has planned for me. This will be my most exciting year, a lot of things will happen. A lot of challenges I will overcome. I will be wiser, stronger, more loving and more faithful to My God.