my head hurts

 

I haven’t slept much…I went home late from my badminton practice, installed new office in my laptop, have a few chat with my brother and wake up very early to ensure that he will not miss his class. I slept for around 3 hours only and my lower back hurts as well as my head as I read my reviewer. Its hard to live with someone you look after with but its worth it. Its my brothers first semester in college and we are happy with his performance. At an early stage, they have lots of projects that require a lot of time and creativity. He hardly slept everyday. To help him, I give assistance in doing household chores and guide him in managing his time. I know this will payoff but still my head hurts. I am trying to concentrate in my review but I can’t. My mind is going in circles…I hope I can still understand my topic and be able to pass the certification exam sometime next month…This will all be worth it. Lord grant me the skills to understand this topic and pass the exam with flying colors…

My old self

pasaway! sobra...hinde ko kayang ipakita sa tao na mabait ako...lalo na kapag nakasanayan ko ng mangulit...balt sibuyas ako...madaling masaktan...nagtatapangtangan..akala mo matatag pero isang tira pa lang natutumba na...iyakin..maalala lang masasakit na ngyari..iyak na agad..pero d ko alam kung kanino iiyak..hinde maintindihan ng marami dahil magulo...mataray! pero sa totoo lang, front lang ung pagtataray..d ko alam ung reason pero mas gusto kong makilala akong mataray then mapatunayang hinde pala pero kung d man cla makarating dun, nakakalungkot naman...madaldal, akala mo walang lihim na itinatago pero sa totoo lang, napakamalihim...kpag sa pakiramdam ay di na magada, d na magsasalita..matalas ang mata at tenga...kung me makalusot man, konti lang..sryoso sa buhay..maraming pangarap at responsibilidad...mahirap masaktan...lumalayo, nagkukubli at nagtatago..bumubuo ng invisible wall sa mga taong nakasakit...hindi madaling makalimot pero me memory gap...nagpapakamatay kasi martir..magulo! hinde maintindihan ang gusto sa buhay...nasasaktan na, cge pa rin. matigas ang ulo, bingi! me paninindigan sa pinaniniwalaan...hinde ako mabait...

 

A lot has changed since I wrote this, but I still want to save this to lookback and measure how much I have changed for the better.

Fresh start

Its been awhile since I updated this site. A lot of things have happened. The chapter about my last relationship is finally closed, after three years. My friendship with everyone blossomed. There are too many stories to tell but I think I will just let my daily blog compensate for the time that I missed.

 

At present I am in Darwin, Australia. Spending my last two days at the office, waiting for the holidays to come this sat. I’ll be in melbourne this weekends to visit a friend as well as in Singapore afterwards. Then back home, I will catch up with all of my friends. I also need to prepare for the badminton tourney this coming October. There are more things to come. I am very thankful with all these blessings.

if someone can read this....

at last i have been able to log in again...i actually forgot my username and password....anyway...updates on me.....i am single again....waaah! not being bitter but i really felt sorry for things that i happen..even myself do not know or understand the reason why this things happen...he says that i should move on...but i completely understand that the relationship is over however, i came to realize that i do not want to loose the friendship..so many people came into my life but i only let a few to know the real me...to see my miseries and weaknesses but sadly...one by one they left me...i dont want to mention names but i really miss the them and the last close guy friend that i have is him...he is that important..iam thankful that he too do not want to loose the friendship...but do i really accept the fact that were over? i think not....haha! some may think i am crazy, especially when i mention that were over yet were friends...afterall it still put a smile on my face...of course, we remain special to each other...it can never be erased...all the things that we went through cannot be covered by anybody...

updates on me

its been a while since i last wrote something in here. Actually, I forgot my password, bit I glad i found a way to retrieve it. andaming nangyari...about that academic misery, i passed compiler laboratory, trying to finish methods of research and feasibility and now facing academic misery in systems design and software laboratory. Both has a deadline by the end of this month. I just hope we can finish it. This will be the last term that will be very hard for me, after this, my load is alot lighter and hopefully manage to have a job, even as part time. Hopefully, the next term will be my last in the institute ( i just wished its name will not be changed). About this thing, the institute i am into is facing a dillema right now, the board of trustees decided to change the name of the institute without even consulting the students. What im asking from this authorities is that they should practice transparency. Thaey should have told the students earlier about these plans so as they can assess the proposal. Now that the change of name has been approved by CHED, im asking the good office of the board of trustees to please laid down to the students every basis of their decision. Be it projections, assumptions, statistics, financials, everything that they have considered. through this, the students can fairly assess the proposal. If the positive really floats, then shall be it. but they should have listen to the students sentiments first before they decide on something. They did not practice equality. its not a good practice in decision making of hearing one side of the proposal or topic alone. Every angle should be studied. well, i just aired what i want to say. sometimes it is difficult to reach the ears of the suppose to be listeners. Its early in the morning and still planning to do things. I have so many to do yet i still have my betterhalf as my priority. We cannot avoid problems in a relationship however we can do something so as we will not be devastated by it. I was merely broken by it. I dont know what is happening to me. Maybe i should enter the sacred space so as to see my purpose. but as iv seen it, im in the sacred space right now. ifeel alone even though everybody is around me. its so complicated that there are things that can be disclosed toi very few people and limits my circle of friends. before i have so many friends in cliche level and very few pweople reached the the peak level. its very diffuicult to keep everything in your heart. ang cancer cells baka dumami..joke! but really, its difficult when you see persons that hurt you. you want to forgive but cant find a way to look at them without hurt. good for me that i improved since that day, iam not that bitter anymore but still coping. its been a year since that thing happen and i cant do anything bout it but to let time heal the wounds. but people around cannot understand me, im used to it. i just hope im strong in facing the evaluation. my spiritual life is declining, my pains are eating mew, i never felt this emptiness before. i know i needd HIM but i try to be hard on him. its wrong but i dont know. im confused. until next time, il finish first my surfing. thanx for ur time if someone did read this. dont be bother, thats how colorful life is!

academic misery

hehe..d2 kmi ngayon ng grouma8 ko sa computer shop sa dapitan..astig d2, lcd ung screen...un nga lang medyo mahal ang net pero astig...anyway..gnagawa namin 2ng parser and semantic namin ngayon..ung 1 kong grpm8 nsa apartment nung ksama ko..hayy...ang gulo noh? 1 lang kc pc nya..e nagpoprogram pa..kelangan na nming gawin ung docu...sana matapos na toh! Sana d lang toh, tulungan sana ako ng mga kgroup ko sa methods...for His sake, 3rd term na nmin 2...kelangan ng matapos ung 7 yon...nccra image ko...joke! wish ko lang sana ok din feasib ko...pero mukhang malabo..d kmi ngkikita ng kgroup ko..pano na yon? kelangan ng matapos yun nxt wik..do or die na un...ayoko ng madagdagan 7 ko..but well, under a respected prof in research nman e at least me karapan..d tulad nung iba jan walang kwenta na anlakas pang mambagsak...however, it takes two to tango so babagsak pa rin na responsibility namin 2 as students...oh well...anggulo ng mundo ko, i still have 21 units if i finish this term without failing..sana tlaga..ayoko na ng quarterm..sobrang nakakapagod..they want hollistic growth pero wala namang time for it, nd rin feasible...sobra akong pagod kc ayaw ko namang isacrifice ung interaction ko with people..d kc ako masyadong technical, ewan ko nga lang ba kung bakit ako napasok sa tehnical course na toh....anyway, i still can bear it, tapucin ko muna then pursue another degree...gusto ko rin sana mg-ojt, para additional experiences pero d ko alam kung kaya ko..with all the pressures from the academic part, sana makaya ko...sana makaraos 2ng term na to na masaya, d tulad nung last xmas ko..malungkot because of electronics 2...dahil sa katamaran...sana d na maulit..nwala na nga pgasa ko for awards sa graduation e..but who cares, what matters are the lessons i learned from my experiences in college...d naman magagamit totally lahat ng napagaralan, nsa diskarte rin un...sna lang me diskarte ako..marami pa akong responsibility and pangarap... basta stay positive..matatapos din ako..sana lang on tym and sana nsa ryt time and place ako for success..hayy...Please guide me...mwah!

bitterness

Bakit ganon? pag nasaktan ka..ang hiram mkabalik sa dati mong mundo..Noon, maliwanag ang lahat..malakas ang paniniwalang me daahilan ang lahat..kalmado ang tubig at tuloy-tuloy ang agos patungo sa destinasyon..ng may dumating na unos..nasira ang bangka..wasak, pero kaya pang maglakbay..sa pagpapatuloy, ang hirap piliting bumalik sa dati..nawala na ang dating sigla't ningning! ang dahilang gumagabay noon ay tila isang napakalaking pagkakamali..mahirap tanggapin sa sarili na bumagsak ka..alam mo sa sarili mo na kaya mo at mas karapat-dapat ka..ang tanong, mas karapatdapat nga ba? sa dami ng nangyari..d na ata makilala sarili..me mga taong akala mo e nakakakilala na sa'yo pero malalaman mong hinde pa rin pala..u cant please evereybody..me kanyakanya tyong mata na iba ibang nakikita..iba-iba ang pagtingin sa bagaybagay...mahirap kapag nararamdaman mong nagiisa ka pero hinde naman..un tipong..wala kang makausap kahit andaming tao dahil hinde nila maiintindihan..nakakalungkot lang na ung mga inaasahan mong maiintindihan ka e hinde ka pala kilala..marahil ang pagkakaibigan ay isang panaginip lang pala...paano ba makabangon sa pagkakasadlak? madaling sabihin ang mga bagay pero sa totoo lang napakahirap gawin..ang bumati at ngumiti sa mga taong nakasakit sayo..nararamdaman mong ang dapat pero di mo magawa..sadya bang napakahirap magpatawad?